Valentine's Day for Jeanne and me

I had a nice talk the other day with my friend Jeanne, a lady who was widowed while she was quite young. We talked about how people still think that we need a man in our lives. I am a spinster, age 60 and have never married. She is 5 years younger than I am. We have been many years without a male in our lives. We are quite happy that way. What a lot of folks don't seem to get that there are single people out there, including Jeanne and me, who are happy with flying solo. I read Jeanne a song I had written called "My Remote."We both laughed about it and she said "That's me!" It is me as well. It is my remote control. I watch what I want. It is my laundry that I clean, my meals I cook, my time to get up or not get up in the morning. And I do not suffer from the "Woe is me, I need a man or I am not fulfilled as a woman" syndrome that some women suffer from. I am not going to put down those women who still have a need in their life to find a man. Women are, by nature, nurturers and they have a longing to pamper and nurture men. And men want to be nurtured and catered to. Except I am not one of those women and neither is my friend Jeanne. 

I admit that I am a romantic. I love it when couples fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. But I am not going to be part of one of those couples. I have been single all of my life and celibate for most of it, with a bit of wild oat sowing ( ok, a LOT of wild oat sowing ) in my decadent hippie and rocker chick youth and young adulthood. At that time in my life I felt the need to find "the one" and settle down and have 2.3 children, a split level house with a 2 car garage in the suburbs, a dog, a cat and a number of guppies. Some of my sibling found and are living that dream and they are ( I assume ) blissfully happy in it. But it has not been my dream or my ambition for decades. 

At some point in my life I realized that rather than seeking a spouse or a boyfriend I was pushing away men who might be interested in me. I thrive on my solitude. I have a wonderful circle of dear friends scattered across the planet and I value their friendships. But I am not interested in the emotional roller coaster of love and romance. I can easily write about it, about the bliss of love and the heartaches of love. But I do not miss the emotions I write about. 

About the only thing I do not like is if someone gives me an attitude about my single status. I have a younger sister who wrote me some very nasty emails this past year when we had a disagreement about another family member. One of the things she did was to make fun of my being single and her married with children status.  What she failed to realize is that I am HAPPY being single and have no interest in living the life she has chosen for herself. I am glad she is happy with being married with children.  If that is what floats her boat, bully for her. But it is not my life nor is it a life that would make me happy. If I had opted to go with the status quo and married some suitable young man and gone to live a Stepford wife existence in the suburbs I believe I would have spent the majority of my adult years in a padded cell. That life would not have suited me. 

Society has its attitude about singles. This is especially true of  older single women. We are treated, in many ways, like second class citizens. We are looked down upon. "No one wanted her." Old maid. Apeleader. Babysitter on the shelf. This is just not true in the majority of cases. I was engaged twice. I have turned down numerous proposals in my life. I am single because I prefer that state.  

Even as I get older I get attractive men sending out signals that they are interested in me. And when I mention I am only interested in friendship they are suddenly not interested in me anymore. Men today want an affair and possibly marriage if the affair works out. Not quite my cup of tea, thank you. I am not a geisha girl who will wait on them. I am not a party doll who wants to dress up and please them. They can find lots of wonderful women who will love to be involved with them. But this wonderful woman is not interested. I have my books and my poetry. I have my songs and my writings. I have my friends and some members of my family ( the ones I am speaking to, haha ). And I have a remote and it is MY remote. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 

And remember to include those of us who have chosen to be single, the bachelors, spinsters and widows in your lives.

SAC

SAC