fuzzy --- in more ways than one

It is mis typo's fault.. I post a url and grrrrr it has something in it wrong. so the fuzzie lizzie is fuzzy lizzie. http://sewfuzzylizzie.com/butterickyd.html. 

And then there is my fuzzy mind. I think the moving 3 times in the last year and a half  is what is creating the fuzziness.  I was thinking as soon as I moved in that I would get my life back to what it was before all the drama before moving began but that is just not happenin'. I don't know how long it is gonna take to get the happy go lucky me back. I am a bit agitated that it has not happened sooner.

 And then there is the situation with my family, the brothers who are too selfish to do anything for mom or for me. It hurts to know that even though it is sometimes painful for me to get around, my brothers could help but they don't or won't. And they are the same way with mom. Hopefully once I am really settled in here and able to get around better I will not be as frustrated and depressed. 

And then there is the depression. Ironically, it was the songwriting that brought me out of depression that then was the catalyst for my moving into Hollywood years ago. So here I am back in Indio where I have such horrible depression after my car accident ( car hits bicyclist, car one, bike zero ), the neuritis and the depression over the neuritis. 

I am fighting for my lemonade out of lemons. At this point it is the sour lemon that is being squeezed and I am looking around for some sugar to add to it to make that lemonade. I thought, before I moved out of Hollywood, that I was at the lemonade point of building a lemonade stand to sell my lemonade from the lemons life had given me. But once again life handed me another lemon and said "Squeeze this." 

I am hoping that by this time next year that not only will I be settled into my new place ( and not moving unless something major GOOD happens such as my suddenly becoming rich and famous or even comfortable and well known ) but that I would be happy and bright, that things would be more of an even keel. There is a huge part of me that just wants to continue working on my writings and my songs and another huge part of me that says "How do I market what I have created?"  But while I have done some creating I am full of angst. Ok, it is not quite the degree of angst that I have been going through since the big move, but still, it would be nice to finally bid it adieu for good. Angst is something one endures in their adolescence. It is REALLY OLD when one is 60.  

The year is still young and I need to look and the half full glass of lemonade. And I am still old ( ok, getting older, I won't call myself OLD until I get to be 65 ). 

Libby and my niece Keturah are coming up tomorrow from Orange County and Long Beach. It will be great to see them as I have not done so since around Christmas. and Libby mentioned that they will take mom and me around to do some shopping. Wooohoooo. Nothing like having my sister come up from Orange County 50 miles or more to take mom and me shopping while my deadbeat brothers can not get off their moochy behinds to take mom and me shopping even once a month. So I need to sit down and make my little shopping wish list ( wish I could go here to go shoppng, wish I could go there to go shopping, etc ). 

Need to hobble down to the bank and see about cashing a check. The manager where I used to live ripped me off for 70 bucks for "shampooing the carpet" from my security deposit. GRRRRRR. That apartment was CLEAN when I left but hey, ripping off a poor tenant for whatever you can, what re apartment managers for, right? But I should feel lucky I got back anything. Managers are so notorious for ripping off good tenants for security deposits. Since I

am on section 8 I am going to report the situation to my worker as the manager signed off that the apartment looked good when I left. so why deduct an expense that the apartment company should be paying for? Those carpets were clean and that expense should not have been on my shoulders. 

I dread the thought of walking to the bank because my knee hurts. But it is something that I need to do. And I know the deadbeat brothers are not going to step up to the plate to do anything for me because they are "too busy." 

This month has been my month to move in, feel settled rather than transient and I do feel settled, to a certain degree. I do feel as if I am "home" rather than waiting for the next move like I felt while I was living in Cat City. Next month I am going to have to force myself to try and get more things done -- get to the Social Security office, see about signing up for an HMO so I can start seeing doctors, see if I can get out of that stupid jury duty thing,  maybe get a few more things out of storage, just try and get things to where I am can then relax a little and get back into my comfort zone.  But at this point I am not thinking about how my comfort zone is gonna happen next month or the month after that. Got too many lemons, and fuzzy skinned ones at that, which evidently are on the lemon tree of my life, that fall into my life when I least expect it. 

SAC

Hal's Blog

Repeat after me:  I WILL post the correct url to Hal's blog... write this out 50 times on a blackboard and then repeat it...

http://hikeeveryday.blogspot.com/

Surfin' the web

The bookmark fiend is at it again. Talking her cyber board she has surfed onto the google search to see what she will see. Sooo I have looked for sixties fashion, foundation garments for stout women  ( virtually impossible to find and I WANT ONE in my size as I am now aging and stout ), Marianne Faithfull ( found the lyrics of my favorite MF song: Time Takes Time from her first American album, yippie! ), Mary Quant patterns ( found my favorite one that my grandmother made me two of, Butterick 3498 found at http://sewfuzzielizzie.com/butterickyd.html so go check it out ). I stumbled on a great called laurel canyon stories that had a wonderful article on the all female group the GTOs. Bookmarked the site for the Rainbow bar and Grill that was formerly my home away from home from 1975 on. So I bookmarked some goodies and will be checkin' em out at my leisure. And adding their urls here. 

I really need to get to bed. Though I know I will be up until dawn. There is a fantasy romance calling my name. If I can ever get away from my little mac toy long enough to stick my nose in the book. 

My left knee has been major bugging me since the move from Cat City last month and is starting to not hurt as much.  And if I can ever get to bed so I do not rise when my sister Libby wakes me around 1 pm or so maybe I can get off the duff and hope a bus and go exploring the neighborhood. And hopefully get that done before it gets to be 100 plus weather. 

Oh one last thing, go visit my brother Hal's amazing blog. 

HAL'S BLOG: http://hikeeveryday.blogpotcom/ 

Hike very day

This is sort of a short little reminder. My brother Hal has a awesome blog. It has some incredible photos on it as well. His New Year's resolution for this year was to hike every day for a year. Not only has he done this so far but his comments are pithy and interesting and some of his photos of the hikes he has been on are wonderful.  So far his hikes have been around the Coachella Valley ( as in the Palm Springs area ) and up in the upper desert of Joshua Tree. Some of the Native American artifacts he has photographed are really interesting. And the desert sunsets are awesome-inspiring. So take a look and leave a comment and tell him his snooty sister Cynthia ( aka Cyd ) sent ya. 

SAC

So Old So Young: What prayer can do

I met the mother of my next door neighbor this afternoon. She is about 101 or thereabout. I was completely amazed by her appearance! She looked to be, on the outside, possibly in her late 70s. She was walking with a walker but other than that she had a cheerful and youthful appearance for an older person. This sweet lady had scarcely a wrinkle on her smiling face! And she had a lovely smile. She has a wreath of snow white hair and a twinkle in her eyes. My neighbor's brother helped her walk to my neighbors apartment. Margie is 76 and looks much younger. Her brother is 12 years younger, 64, and I thought he was a lot younger too. And then there is me. I am 60 and a lot of folks guess my age at mid to late 40s which pleases me no end. :-) And what is the secret to this youthful appearance? I used to think it was my Dutch blood as more than one person has told me that the Dutch age well. But now I think I have found the secret to looking younger. It is not a face cream or a laser treatment. It is not a face lift or a hair dye. It is PRAYER. Margie told me her mom prays all the time. I do that as well. What would my own life be without prayer? Pretty dismal, you could bet on that! So there you have it! It is prayer that is the best wrinkle cream of all! It is the smile of a praying person that keeps those wrinkles away. I always knew that prayer was a blessing. I have had more than enough trauma in my life and yet my blood pressure is normal. I know prayer helps release stress. What a blessing. Not that I need any excuse to pray! Prayer is a joy rather than a burden for me and has been a blessing many times over. And who knew that the best antidote for an aging appearance would be to pray all the time? It makes me happy to see a beautiful and youthful looking lady who has passed the century mark in her life --- and to see the living result of a life of prayer. God bless her. And thank you Jesus for my new apartment and surrounding me with Christian neighbors. 

SAC

Happy Shoes

I was dreading buying new shoes. I am finicky about my feet and what  I put on them. Since Inow have a problem with my left leg ( it is there and it is in pain on a constant basis ) that makes the hunt for the elusive pair of shoes that fit, are cheap and make my feet comfortable when I hobble around not so easy. But today I lucked out. There is a yard sale down the street every weekend or so with several of the little old ladies that live here. I usually troll for books when I go to yard sales and this was mainly clothes and shoes and a few odds and ends. I talked with the ladies who were having the sale and I mentioned I might join them to sell some things ( I mainly will have books and clothes ) and they said to bring em on out when I decide to do that. Most of my stuff is still in storage and it will be nice to have a place to sell stuff once I get things from the storage into my apartment. But the good news today was I found 4 pair of shoes for a buck each. Wooohooohoooo! OH YEAH! There were gently used running shoes including a pair of Nike Air. I was expecting to have to go out and spend some premium bucks on running shoes as the two pair I have are basically trashed major big time. So now I am flush for shoes for another year or so. The third pair of shoes are a bit of a novelty and since they fit I got them, a pair of brown leather gladiator shoes. Cool! So my legs and feet are happy for me today. Now if I could ONLY find a pair of black granny shoes in a 8 medium... ( I will probably find these on the some day when my prince will come and not expecting that to happen any time soon if ever.. )

SAC

Feeling at home and misc. ramblings

It has not yet been a month and yet I do feel as if I am at home here already. That is a good feeling. Ever since I left Hollywood in September 2007 I have felt as if I were a transient. So to hang my little Bohemian beret ( well, one of them. I have 3 of them, and I do not know if the other two made the move or not ) and feel as if it is WHERE I hang it because it is home is a good feeling. 

I have been exploring my neighborhood a small bit. I have meandered over to the In And Out burger place a couple of times. And I have gone shopping. I walked to two local drug stores, one was near the fairgrounds where the Date Festival was going on. I am very tempted to go there Saturday to see the ostrich races ( yes, ostriches WITH jockeys, it is hilarious ) but I can't afford to rent a wheelchair or a scooter and my legs would not make the walking around without being in agony. I know this from last year. I had gone to the fair last year and even though I had not stayed that long or even walked around that much my legs/feet were just killing me by the time I got home. And my legs had not been hurting me when I had gone there. My legs have been bothering me ( well, my left leg anyway ) since I moved. Once  get signed up for an HMO I will hightail it to a doctor and see if  there is anything that can help this leg or if I am just out of luck ( because it is arthritis or something ). If worse comes to worse maybe I could get a scooter/ Though of course if there was something that would make the leg better so it does not hurt like the dickens that would be better. Oh to be able to dance again! 

I am still working at getting things in order here in my place. It takes time. And I am want to sit around and take it easy. I think that it is because I worked so hard at getting things in order and put away the first week or so of moving in. After that my body protested and said time out! So I am recharging my batteries to start gong through things again. And who knows when or who is gonna help me get the bulk of my possessions out of storage. That will be a major undertaking. I will be both glad and exasperated at getting things out of storage. Glad because I will then no longer have to pay a storage fee and exasperated as then I will need to sort through EVERYTHING and decide what to keep, sell, donate or toss. And dismayed when I go through everything and find certain things did not make it. But that is all for the future. 

I spent much of last night from 10 pm to 5 am in the morning looking at patterns. It was fun to look at some of the old patterns from the 60s and 70s and remember some of the outfits that my sister Libby and I wore. Our grandma Flo made most of our outfits and weren't we stylish? Though a few of my favorites were not there. I had a Mary Quant dress that my grandmother made me a couple of dresses out of and couldn't find that pattern. And there was one bellbottomed outfit that my sister Libby and I had. It was made in different colors. And it had a midriff top and hiphugger bellbottoms. And there were rows of ruffles on the bottom of the top, which was sleeveless, and on the bottom of the bells.  Great fun, those outfits! 

It is two in the afternoon so it is time to get up and get dressed and have my "usual" breakfast: oatmeal with raisins, milk, iced coffee with milk and sugar, orange juice ( from FLORIDA rather than some other country. though would PREFER to get California orange juice but where does one find it anymore? ). 

SAC

PS Thank you and thank you for all who have posted here in response to my ramblings. I do appreciate it. Also, if someone wants me to check out their blog and add them please have an add on feature that is easy to click on as you are dealing with the tech dummy here. I need it REAL simple. TIA.  

Valentine's Day for Jeanne and me

I had a nice talk the other day with my friend Jeanne, a lady who was widowed while she was quite young. We talked about how people still think that we need a man in our lives. I am a spinster, age 60 and have never married. She is 5 years younger than I am. We have been many years without a male in our lives. We are quite happy that way. What a lot of folks don't seem to get that there are single people out there, including Jeanne and me, who are happy with flying solo. I read Jeanne a song I had written called "My Remote."We both laughed about it and she said "That's me!" It is me as well. It is my remote control. I watch what I want. It is my laundry that I clean, my meals I cook, my time to get up or not get up in the morning. And I do not suffer from the "Woe is me, I need a man or I am not fulfilled as a woman" syndrome that some women suffer from. I am not going to put down those women who still have a need in their life to find a man. Women are, by nature, nurturers and they have a longing to pamper and nurture men. And men want to be nurtured and catered to. Except I am not one of those women and neither is my friend Jeanne. 

I admit that I am a romantic. I love it when couples fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. But I am not going to be part of one of those couples. I have been single all of my life and celibate for most of it, with a bit of wild oat sowing ( ok, a LOT of wild oat sowing ) in my decadent hippie and rocker chick youth and young adulthood. At that time in my life I felt the need to find "the one" and settle down and have 2.3 children, a split level house with a 2 car garage in the suburbs, a dog, a cat and a number of guppies. Some of my sibling found and are living that dream and they are ( I assume ) blissfully happy in it. But it has not been my dream or my ambition for decades. 

At some point in my life I realized that rather than seeking a spouse or a boyfriend I was pushing away men who might be interested in me. I thrive on my solitude. I have a wonderful circle of dear friends scattered across the planet and I value their friendships. But I am not interested in the emotional roller coaster of love and romance. I can easily write about it, about the bliss of love and the heartaches of love. But I do not miss the emotions I write about. 

About the only thing I do not like is if someone gives me an attitude about my single status. I have a younger sister who wrote me some very nasty emails this past year when we had a disagreement about another family member. One of the things she did was to make fun of my being single and her married with children status.  What she failed to realize is that I am HAPPY being single and have no interest in living the life she has chosen for herself. I am glad she is happy with being married with children.  If that is what floats her boat, bully for her. But it is not my life nor is it a life that would make me happy. If I had opted to go with the status quo and married some suitable young man and gone to live a Stepford wife existence in the suburbs I believe I would have spent the majority of my adult years in a padded cell. That life would not have suited me. 

Society has its attitude about singles. This is especially true of  older single women. We are treated, in many ways, like second class citizens. We are looked down upon. "No one wanted her." Old maid. Apeleader. Babysitter on the shelf. This is just not true in the majority of cases. I was engaged twice. I have turned down numerous proposals in my life. I am single because I prefer that state.  

Even as I get older I get attractive men sending out signals that they are interested in me. And when I mention I am only interested in friendship they are suddenly not interested in me anymore. Men today want an affair and possibly marriage if the affair works out. Not quite my cup of tea, thank you. I am not a geisha girl who will wait on them. I am not a party doll who wants to dress up and please them. They can find lots of wonderful women who will love to be involved with them. But this wonderful woman is not interested. I have my books and my poetry. I have my songs and my writings. I have my friends and some members of my family ( the ones I am speaking to, haha ). And I have a remote and it is MY remote. 

Happy Valentine's Day. 

And remember to include those of us who have chosen to be single, the bachelors, spinsters and widows in your lives.

SAC

SAC 

Tech dummy hooks up Mac and Webtv

Ok, I admit it it. I prayed bunches and bunches and bunches which can be the ONLY explanation as to why I managed WITH THE LORD'S HELP ( thank you Jesus! ) to hook up both my Mac and on the 12th, my WebTv. Just amazing. I was sure I would need the help of the Macman or the computer nerd. But with Jesus at the wheel ( so to speak ) and helping me figure out things, I am up and running with the tech toys in my new digs. YIPPIE!!!!!

Got to talk to some friends back east, one I had not talked to in months. And that was a treat. Also talked to a buddy in Hollywood whom I haven't talked to in months as well.  And managed a quick call to a buddy in New Mexico too. And so it was a good day yesterday. 

Having a one bedroom apartment is still new to me after living in singles for almost 20 years. It is a nice newness, though. And my closet is about as big as the one I had in Hollywood where three ( count em ) people lived in for months at a time. I have sort of squared things away ( this does not count the gazillion books and other assorted goodies in my storage that I have not been to in FOREVER ) but I am gonna take my time in really sorting things so the place is pristine. I eventually will need to grab some storage bins and move my books and other stuff out of the boxes. But that is for some future tomorrow. 

It is gonna take some time to really get settled in but I am starting to already feel as if I "live here." That is a good feeling since it probably took me a few months to feel at home in 

The Closet" which is what I called my old apartment in Cat City. This place is known as "The Haven." Of course there was the trauma of moving ( AGAIN ) but hopefully within a month or so I will start feeling settled. 

My left knee has really been bothering me and I went hobbling around with a cane today in the apartment. Aside from the moving, I think it has been our damp and cold weather, the change in the barometric pressure. I felt that I could have used one of those little scooters today to wheel it around my apartment. Had clusters of spasms today as well but aside from the knee and also my ankle, I am not doing too bad pain wise. 

SAC

moved and sort of online

I hooked this puppy up myself BUT did not get my Webtv up and going because one of the pieces that was attached to it somehow ended up missing and of course it is the one thing that needs to be hooked up to it... grrrrrrrrrrr!!

The move was not fun and took two days. I am on very iffy speaking terms with one of my brothers ( not the macman but the Republican ). He helped me move and managed to help, threaten and insult me all at the same time. Eek. 

This is short as it is sort of on and sort of not on and not sure of what all is going on but moving is well, it is that. Luckily I am moved in and most of the stuff is sort of put away. I realize I need a dining room table, an easy chair and a love seat or even a couch. Oh and several floor to ceiling bookcases. And a curio cabinet. And my things out of storage. 

Need to charge the puppy. 

Until next time.

SAC