Happy big 6-0 ( wanna drink ) Big rant

1. I am not happy today. It is my 60th birthday ansd I SHOULD be happy but it has been miserable from the git go. I was supposed to be celebrating it with family and friends and that basically did not happen. I have yet to figure out what the hell it is about me that makes my family treat me as if my life and celebrating it do not matter. Maybe because I am single never married. Maybe it is because I am the poor relation. Who knows? They have never accepted my disability as being a disability. So maybe it is their contempt of me for being disabled and they only consider me to be a deadbeat. I love my mom but no matter how I have tried she will constantly harp on the fact that heaven forbid I was a hippie chick back in the 60s. I tell her NOT to bring this up anymore, especially in light of a family member who has substance abuse problems. She can make excuses for his behavior and will then say "You did drugs blah blah blah. GET OVER IT, MOM!!!! I took up the straight and narrow half a life time ago or more and yet you go on and on and on and all I get is kicked to the curb over this issue. NO praise for who I am now and have been for DECADES. All I get is criticism because of a few short years in my turbulent youth. And today I got more of it. Excuses for the deadbeats or those who not only do not try but who will con and lie to keep up their bad behavior. I am sick of being your whipping girl. And do you make allowances for my birthday concerning this? NO. I was not responsible for the bombing on 9-11. I did not cause the Northridge quake or the L.A. riots. I am not responsible for the drug wars in Mexico. I am not the scapegoat of the universe. Nor, because I am the oldest sister of my siblings am I going to be the surrogate of the older sister of YOURS who beat up on you. I have more than bent over backwards to love you and try and please you and not one damn thing seems to make you do anything but see me as some little hippie who formerly used drugs recreationally. Last year I made a New Years resolution to not drink as there are family members who have problems with substance abuse including alcohol. This year I will make no such resolution as I definitely would have LOVED to have had a drink today... I could have used one.  Athol Brose would have been nice ( maybe for New Years day.. ). And next year my resolutions will include not to believe ( with the exception of one brother who has never flaked on me or been anything less than honest with me, a great guy; you know who you are ) anything someone in my family promises me --- especially as my mother will then find some excuse to make an excuse for them flaking on me and then will criticize me. 
   
2. Now on to the lemonade birthdays --- this birthday, which I had been so looking towards, was a big lemon as far as my family was concerned. I ranted on that enough so let me talk about my friends. I have great friends. Sure there have been false ones and turncoats along the way. But I have been blessed both with what I refer to as face to face friends and also my cyber buddies ( some call face to face friends real life friends but the truth is that many of my cyber buds as are real and more real in my life than those I have met face to face ). So my family handed me a big fat lemon for my birthday. They don't GET that my 60th birthday is on the day I was BORN 60 years ago. What is it? This is not a week day but for some freakin' reason they could not deal with actually celebrating it TODAY. And NO, the day BEFORE and the day AFTER are not THE BIRTHDAY when it is a milestone such as 60. However, while I was by my lonesome when it came to anyone being there to help me celebrate on this day in person I did get a lovely cyber party over at Prof H's newsgroup on Webtv. And I got emails from a couple of friends, was able to talk to Bridget and her hubby Johnny, got a lovely voice mail from my friend Jeff Copeland and had a nice chat with my friend David in New Mexico. So that made some lemonade of a weeping not too happy turning 60 and feeling 90 birthday... one last thing on this, it seems as if my "celebrating the 60s" theme is going to have to apply to the entire decade as it will take me at least that long to get over how my family continues to blow me off regardless of the day. 
3. Post script to my rainy day comment on suicides. One of my sisters pointed out that many suicides are committed by mentally ill, especially bi-polars. Depression sucks ( been there, had the pity party ) but I still stand by what I wrote --- for those who are not mentally ill. It does not apply to those with a mental illness. I would advise someone who is suicidal to first see if something worthwhile can help you get out of your funk. If not try and contact a mental health clinic about your problem BUT insist on being tested to see if you have a chemical imbalance as bi-polars should not take certain medications for depressives. I will be talking more on the subject of mental illness at another time. Ok, enough of this. Time to sign off on this lemonade birthday...   SAC